IT’S EASTER!
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#17
 

We had an Easter Egg Hunt at the prison today. Whoever collected the most eggs was able to get an extra 45 minutes of phone time. Since I have recently started my new calling campaign where I dial every home in America to tell them how I’m Still Oscar… dot com, 45 minutes would really help me out. The American people need to know about this injustice!

I found 3 eggs! 2 more than last year! This new guy Esteban found 24. I don’t like Esteban.



I’VE HAD ENOUGH!
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#16
 

My bunkmate managed to get me knockoff Rogaine from Tijuana in my latest plan to prove to everyone that I’m Oscar! If my hair grows back to the days when I had luscious flowing locks then everyone has to believe me! But it’s not working! Grow hair! Why won’t you do what you’re told! You’re dead to me! I hate you! No, come back! I love you!

I’ve been told that this knockoff Rogaine might cause mood swings and irritability but so far I haven’t noticed anything. I’ve never felt better! But I hate my life!



DOES THE WORLD NOT KNOW WHO THE POPE REALLY IS?
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#15
 

Are you all blind? My brother George has become the new pope! He has deceived us all again! First he tricks everyone into locking me up here, and now he is in control of the Catholic church! When will the injustice end?

I tried telling my roommate about the Pope’s real identity, but he confused Pope with “pop pop”, and he forced me to play “pop pop in the attic”. I hate that game!



WHAT YEAR IS IT?
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#14
 

My son nephew, Buster, came to visit me and told me the year was 2013. How can it be? Wasn’t the world supposed to end in 2012? I also learned we have a black president? Please don’t tell me it’s Franklin. 

Can people still see this? Are these messages still being forwarded to my Myspace account? Hello? HELLLLOOOOOO?



I’M STILL BALD!
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#13
 

All this stress is taking its toll on my body. My thick luscious locks of love are gone, forever gone. If only my hair would start growing again then I can prove I’m Oscar! On the other hand… my baldness might have some advantages since my sweet mate keeps saying how attracted he is to long hair. Something about long hair reminding him of a “sexy lion”. Not sure how to take that.

Please world, help me! I don’t want to know what a sexy lion is!



THEY CAN’T KEEP ME SILENT
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#12
 

They took away my internet privledges because according to them “posting crazy rants about not being George isn’t a legitimate reason to spend 10 hours on the internet per day”. The last couple months have been miserable! Although I admit after reading my niece’s husband’s book The Man Inside Me to pass the time, nights with my sweet mate haven’t been as bad. 

I smuggled a cell phone inside (of me) so I can get my word out again! Can anyone see this? Please send help!



WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUEL?
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#11
 

Tonight we had a movie night. We were given stale popcorn and water, and the movie was a homemade video of the warden acting out New Warden. Every single part and character.

My life is no longer an empty shell. It has since been filled with terrible “cinema” and the butterless foam they seem to call “popcorn”.



HELP!
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#10
 

Does anybody know how to make a proper shank? I tried to myself, using some dense soap, but apparently it wasn’t dense enough as the other inmates took it as an invitation. Why do these things keep happening to me?!



MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#9
 

It really is! Geraldo, an inmate a few cells down from mine, is threatening me, telling me to use all my money in the outside world to get him out of here. I keep trying to tell him I’m not at all rich, that George Sr. was the rich one, but he says we’re the same person! Why can’t he connect the dots and see that if I was rich, I’d have broken myself out long ago. I’m Oscar! I was tricked into this mess. Why won’t anyone listen to me?



I CAN’T LAST MUCH LONGER
       
    By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
Entry#8
 

As retribution for not calling him ‘Chief Wigwam’ last night, my sweet mate forced me to play baseball today. I kept telling him that it was my brother George not I, OSCAR, who was good at baseball. He of course did not believe me and gave me the choice of either playing baseball or getting stabbed. After dropping 4 fly balls and striking out 3 times, I was still stabbed - repeatedly. 

Is anyone out there? Does no one care? I’m Oscar Bluth and I can’t lose any more blood.



 



  Older Entries »